Saturday, January 31, 2015

Post-Affair Trauma – Is There A way to Come out of It?

If something can be more painful than coming to know that your partner had an affair, it is  the trauma that follows this revelation. The intensity of this trauma will be as high as the intensity of the one suffered by troopers who have encountered a military combat, the one who has suffered the bereavement of a beloved one and the one that a gets hurt in a severe accident.

This post-affair trauma, in its effects can upset you a lot and give you an idea of how a life in hell could be, if you were ever to experience such a life!

It is worthwhile to understand what happens during the phase of a post-affair trauma? The betrayal by your mate will keep haunting you. You will be full of self pity for having been the victim of the affair. You will fail to perceive things in the correct perspective. Of course, you will be terribly angry with your cheating partner and find it extremely difficult to deal with the situation using conventional approaches.

The post-affair trauma can generate a series of thoughts starting from analyzing the causes for the affair to finding ways to punish the cheating partner. You will keep imagining scenes of your lover being in the embrace of their paramour and even making love to them. These mental images will only torment you even more intensively.

The thoughts and feelings dominating your mind during the time you are in the grip of the post-affair trauma can demoralize you to a great extent but  not assist you in any manner. If you wish to cut off the relationship with your partner, then you will have to initiate steps for formalizing the break with your partner. With the process of breaking up adding to your pain, you will find your suffering becoming even more intensified.

But if your partner genuinely regrets their act of infidelity and wants to forgive them, you may be willing to make up with them. But the unpleasant thoughts that fill your mind during the time you are going through the post-affairs trauma will make the process of reconciliation extremely difficult.

The only way out for you from the post-affair trauma is to make a serious effort at introspection even as you are going through the trauma. The best way to do this is to put your thoughts in writing. Difficult as this exercise may seem, you should force yourself to sit down and put your thoughts and feelings in writing. After sometime, go through tour writing and decide for yourself which thoughts are sensible and which are not. Strike off the thoughts that appear irrational and senseless to you. You will find your mind slowly turning to become tranquil even as your thinking becomes clearer. effective course are going to be, in your own interest. During this process, you need to reaffirm your resolve to not be weakened by emotions but be guided by sensible and empowering thoughts.

The process of coming out of the post-affair trauma is not easy but if you adopt the above approach, you will emerge stronger from the agonizing phase.

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